Satin In A Coffin

"You were laying on the carpet 
like you're satin in a coffin. 
You said, "Do you believe what you're sayin'?" 
Yeah right now, but not that often. 

Are you dead or are you sleepin'? 
Are you dead or are you sleepin'? 
Are you dead or are you sleepin'?"

-- Modest Mouse

These are the lyrics that the boys keep singing around me this evening. And it hit me as a call from God to His Bride. "Do you believe what you're saying?" "Are you dead or are you sleeping?" 

In response to a writing prompt by http://www.subject4change.com/ I wrote that we are on the verge of something new. God still says: 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19

And I can feel in it my bones! The restless I feel is only the restlessness that gets under my skin when God is calling me to something new. And I feel like He's asking "Are you dead or are you sleeping?" Because I must be one of those things because I'm not awake and alive in Him how I should be!!! I don't want to be dead or asleep! And I've made a decision to wake up and smell the coffee. To get over myself and get on with what He has! 

So Church, Friends, Family, are you dead or are you sleeping?

Humility-Security-Synergy

      For a year now I have been apprenticing under my Senior Pastor, Burt Campbell (check out his blog here: http://pastorburt.lifewithchrist.org/index.html). For the last 2 years I've felt a pull towards pastoral ministry in some aspect and last summer God asked me to take a proactive step towards learning and developing more of the skills that ministry requires. That step looked like the apprenticeship and allowing Burt to be mentor and teacher in my life. We are now drawing that time to a close and looking back over the year, I can't get my head around how much information we've absorbed, how many lessons I've learned - personally and ministerially - and how much growth God's worked in me since last summer. Having said that, I've much more growing to embrace!

      The bulk of my time with Pastor Burt has been spent studying and discussing the book The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, which has so challenged my world. Author, Steven Covey, lays out 7 habits/principles that, if embraced and implemented, empower us to become effective in every aspect of our lives. The 6th Habit is Synergy. This Habit is my favorite so far. Very challenging but so exciting! I've come to realize that I've got some work to do in order to say I'm good at Synergizing with with the people around me. Here's a couple of the things I need to have to make this work:

1. Humility. Lets face it, we all love to be right. We love to have the answer; the solution to the problem no one else can figure out. It's empowering and energizing! However, when we become so convinced that we can see every possible option and solution, and no one else has a valid idea, we kill the potential for Synergy and thus, brilliant, new capabilities. This is something I'm working on. I know I don't have all the answers, and there are minds that are so different and more creative than mine... I want their input. 

2. Security. Synergy requires a level of vulnerability; space for someone else to disagree with your idea, or even to say your point of view is wrong. If we can learn to operate on a level of security that is not threatened by other people's opinions, we would be surprised at the doors that would swing open! 

It also takes security on the part of the person challenging an idea or thought. Security looks like courage to express one's own thoughts or feelings, without having to ask for validity. We each have a say and different is ok. 

      So Synergy is one of my many goals. It's what I've been mulling over as of recent. The reason in writing about it came mostly from some confirmation by Subject-4-Change in the post: Where Do Ideas Come From? The Author writes, 

      "But is competition truly helpful in building community over the long haul? And if the goal of art (religion, education, science and even political diplomacy) is to benefit mankind and bring people together, what would happen if competition, attribution, and ownership were taken out of the process?"

A grand thought indeed. What would our world look like if we learned to Synergize? What could your life look like if you allowed Synergy some room to work? I like to think that unimaginable things would be accomplished. 

Dreams Really Do Come True.

It's been ages since I've blogged! (That's how I start off every post, right?)

My life has EXPLODED.

Lets see. In the last 5 months, here's what's changed:

1. I own a coffeehouse in New Concord.

2. I moved into a gorgeous house in New Concord.

3. My Best Friend lives with me.

4. I found out I have a nodule on my vocal chord and have been put on vocal rest for a month.

There's more, but those are some big ones.

The coffeehouse is fabulous. A dream come true. And I can say the same about the house I'm renting. God has been too good! Business is going great, and I love what God is teaching me through it. He's also established relationships that are blowing my mind! Every time I turn around I realize that the coffeehouse wasn't only my dream come true, but another part of His plan. He astounds me.

Though the last couple months have brought on a good bit of stress, I'm taking it day by day and learning to manage my life. My craziness doesn't change God's goodness. It's a time of tremendous growing. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally...A season to remember, for sure. The best season yet, actually. (:

The fact that I can't sing how I'd like to is driving me crazy! I go back to my specialist in 3 weeks to check in and see what the next step is. Praying for God's will to be done. I miss doing what I love, but God is faithful still!

Anyways, there's a very brief update for you. Or maybe more for me.

Still loving God and everything He's doing. After everything He's given me, after all the dreams He's brought to life, He's still surprising me at every turn. Our God is truly brilliant!

Restarting

Once again, blogging has slipped my mind. Given, my life has been crazy and blogging isn't at the top of my priority list. However, here I am, 2:39am on the morning of December 7th, 2010. Couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd give this a go.

I'm home! I arrived a week ago today and has it been a whirlwind of a first week back! It consisted of late nights, Youth Group, a concert, all night laser tag, shopping, church, and cleaning and reorganizing my room. I haven't had trouble sleeping all week. Maybe I'm up tonight because I didn't do much today, and the incessant activity is what forced my body to sleep earlier this week. Anyways, it's great to be home. Still hard to believe I'm actually here, but I've loved catching up with friends and my family. Life is good.

Something I wasn't anticipating, it's been(and still is) an interesting emotional transition. My first night home I was a bit taken aback and unsettled at being here again. And I've had moments like that all week. Last night I think I had some tiny version of an anxiety attack. Really strange... I wasn't even thinking about being here and my life or anything! All of the sudden I got really restless and anxious, heart started beating fast, and had slight trouble breathing like normal. So I cleaned the kitchen, basically tore my room apart and started cleaning and sorting through everything. Really strange. Today's been good. I got a little melancholy a few hours ago, and that was a bit out of the blue as well. I suppose I'm still in that transition period. I'm really happy to be here though. I really am.

My highlights of my first week back would be all the time I've spent with my Youth Group and being at church again. And seeing family and friends. I guess the whole week has been one big highlight. :) I love what God is up to in this place. And I'm stoked to be right in the middle of it all. There's still people to see, more cleaning/sorting to be done, and holiday festivities to get on with. This is only the beginning! I'm really excited.

I have high expectations for this year, and I know it will be spectacular. God never fails me! Christmas will be wonderful, and all the little benefits of being home have made my life so much easier and full of joy. Who knows what's next, but this season is brilliant already!

Tear Down The Walls

Welcome! Let's begin.

In my last post I mentioned the beginning of something God was starting in me. I said the only thing I knew for sure what that He said, "I'm broadening your vision." That was almost a month ago. A couple weeks ago I spent some time praying, asking God to reveal more or clarify what that meant. I felt like He added to the previous statement and said, "I'm broadening your vision so that you can be free..." I thought, 'Okay. Freedom is good. Still a very broad statement.' So I accepted it and asked the Holy Spirit to continue to bring understanding.

Over the last week, I've really had the youth group on my heart, and a couple kids in particular. And I've had the opportunities to encourage them, build them up and spur them on. I've been so content during the week, and I felt God say that I was content because I was learning to 'get my eyes off myself'. That's a concept and principle that we hear a lot here, and seems easy enough, but I felt like I really understood it this week. It was good to feel like I'm getting it. This whole idea of 'getting my eyes off myself' fit right in with 'broadening my vision' and I immediately understood that God was adding depth to that statement.

Yesterday morning I sat down to do my devotions and God gave me complete closure and clarity. I was journalling about how my heart and mind was focused on youth and ministry over the last week, and I ended up flipping to 2 Corinthians 4. Paul talks about his ministry and the sacrifices he made for the sake of the people he would reach. I really related to his heart for the ministry, and wanted that same passion and commitment that Paul had. At the end of the chapter is one of my favorite sets of verses:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

And again, I felt like 'fixing my eyes on the unseen' was part of broadening my vision.

The more I journaled and listened for more clarity, God finished the statement by releasing me into ministry in the next season of my life. He explained himself through one of my favorite Hillsong songs, "Tear Down The Walls". The song basically summarized every He was saying to me. And I felt like it defined what He had done in me over this year. He gave me this statement that tied my year together. He really gave me closure to this season and I really understand what His goal was for me this year.

"I'm broadening your vision, so that you can be free to tear down the walls."

This made so much sense to me. During the first part of this year, God tore down so many walls inside of me. He went deep and dealt with walls that were put up a long time ago. The last part of this year, He's been preparing and equipping me to return to ministry; to help tear down walls in the people around me.

I, in no way, have things figured out, but I have so much understanding of this year's significance in my life, and so much peace about the next season. Whatever 'tearing down the walls' looks like, I'm ready to embrace what God sends my way. This is only the beginning!

Wings Like Eagles

It just keeps getting better! I am going to do my best to verbalize what I've experienced over this weekend, but I'm certain it will in no way come close to the real thing.

The weekend was Hillsong's youth conference called "Encounter". It's a weekend put together for all three youth ministries in the church: Fuel(jr.high), Wildlife(high school), and Powerhouse(college age). They have if here at the Hills campus in our main auditorium. They completely transform the place to a youth getaway, with everything from food, bumper cars, mechanical bulls, and live music. I'd been hearing about Encounter all month, but the advertisement didn't do a great job of explaining exactly what was going on, so I wasn't planning on going. However, God had other plans, as He often does. Through a series of unpredictable events, conversations, and decisions, I found myself at church at 9:00am for the first of the morning sessions.

We found seats and enjoyed the pre-service entertainment(some comedic improve done by 4 or 5 of the youth leaders.). I sat back and watched as approx. 1000 young people trickled into the auditorium for the first session. About 10 minutes before the service kicked off, the room when pitch black and a dance remix of "Thunderstuck" by ACDC screamed from the sound system. Strobe lights pulsed and illuminated the jumping, moshing, masses of youth that filled the floor. I was delighted and thought to myself, "THIS is how you do a youth conference!" And it was only the beginning...

What happened over the next 3 days was completely surprising, overwhelming, and exhilarating. It's a bit of a blur now, but the things I walked away with are crystal clear.

I've felt a freedom this weekend that I haven't felt since I've been here. I've been freed in different areas, to various degrees throughout this year, but this weekend was a new level of freedom. The combination of the faith and expectancy in that place, God's thick, tangible presence, and my acute awareness of my limited time here, created the perfect storm - in the best way. Even now, just thinking and writing about it, I can't help but be moved by God's blessing in this season of my life.

There's so many little things that God did that I couldn't even begin to outline, but here's a couple big ones that God spoke clearly over the weekend:

1. This season will be a season of New Things.

'This season' meaning my return home, my new beginning, after this year in Australia. I've been praying and preparing my heart and mind to leave this place and return home. But I've known, without a doubt, that I won't be simply returning to my old life, but starting something new, somewhere familiar. God confirmed this at the conference and poured out even more faith and confidence in what He's going to do next. I believe that what we're seeing now in our church, our youth ministry,and our city, is only the beginning of God's plan.

2. He's broadening my vision.

During one of the night sessions, he placed a couple different things on my heart. I found myself heavily burdened and praying about these things with a passion that wasn't there before. As I walked away that night, I felt two things in my spirit: (1) He's broadening my vision, (2) He's increasing my capacity. And I definitely see the areas that he's doing that it, and I'm excited to see that outworked in my life. I felt like I was getting just a glimpse of what He sees and being broken by what breaks His heart. That's exactly what I want!

So those are just a couple things that I have on my heart, and am praying about. I don't know exactly what all of it means or looks like yet, but I believe it's the start of something in me that's new and challenging, in the best way. I love doing life with Christ. How could it get any better than this? I can't imagine what Heaven is going to be like...

"Then the Lord replied: 'Write down the revelation

and make it plain on tablets,

so that whoever reads it may run with it.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.

It speaks of the end and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come and will not delay.' "

-Habakkuk 2

This scripture is one that has inspired me to record the things that God shows or speaks in my life. I realize the context of the Old Testament is where this verse fits, but God has used it in my life, encouraging me to write down what He's doing in me. I love how The Message version puts it:

And then God answered: "Write this.
Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.

It's on its way. It will come right on time.

Waiting is the hardest. But He renews my strength in the waiting! And soaring on wings like eagles sounds pretty good to me. :)

The Changing of Seasons

We are most definitely well into spring here in Australia! It was beautiful and sunny today, but still a bit too warm for my liking. It is exciting, however, to know that we'll be swimming soon!

In other news, school is still splendid and God is still teaching me things that are blowing my mind. I'm convinced that it wouldn't hurt every Christian to do Bible College! There's just so much to learn and so many of us don't know near enough! I'm so glad that I'm here learning everything I can, it's such a privilege.

In regards to college family, things are going okay. Still loving these amazing people. However, there has been a bit of tension in the house this past week. Simple misunderstandings, miscommunications and mistaken motives, nothing too devastating at all. But when a group of people that are so close nit, even the little things cause tension. We did work through our problems, and learned from the experience, and hope handle the next situation more effectively. A good learning experience for all of us. It's good to have people in my life that are committed to relationships and growing together. Conflict is not near as painful when you have people like that.

Today in Chapel I got emotional, realizing that my time here is very limited. I feel like one day I can't wait to get out of here, and the next I'm worried about leaving! It's a good process though. I do have such a peace about the changing of seasons in my life, and this fragile time of transition is quite precious.

I shall update again later. College Break is coming up next week and I'll have 7 whole days to do whatever I please. I'm sure I'll find some space for a blog or two. :) All my love, as always!