Transplant

You know how I know when I'm feeling deep, emotional, and sometimes philosophical things?  I blog. Anytime else I forget that I have a blog. ha.

transplant

Verb Move or transfer (something) to another place or situation, typically with some effort or upheaval

Yet again my life is changing drastically... Something I obviously crave, right? Within the next 6 weeks Clark and I will be transplanting our life into big-city, Pittsburgh, PA. It happened a little suddenly...but sometimes what we need most is a "suddenly".

All along we have known we would not stay in New Concord, Ohio forever. Moving was on the horizon but not planned until next fall. But the restless in me just. kept. growing. When you know something deep down in the core of you, you can't shake it or excuse it away. That's where this restlessness sat. It just took one particularly restless, emotional day for me to make the jump in my mind. "Why are we waiting?" I've observed that most of the people around me think that Clark and I do everything too big and too fast; I thought we'd keep the streak going. I started asking questions like, "Why next year?" "What's stopping us until then?" We prayed about it and made a decision within the week. When you know, you know.

So now we are here, weeks away from the transplant and it's been harder than I thought. I've seen unexpected anxiety find it's way to the surface. I thought I liked change? This time there has definitely been some "upheaval" in my soul. But God is faithful, and He is already bringing comfort to the lonely places in me.

This is what I feel is God's word for my next season of life:

"I'm bringing you into a season of brokenness. A season of greater dependency. A season of intimacy with me. I will surround you with people who will sow into you. Let me take you away for a season to know how to be a wife to your husband and to know Me as your bridegroom. I will not leave you as an orphan."

I am familiar with brokenness and part of me cringed when I understood that this was yet another broken season. But most of me became peaceful, knowing the beautiful intimacy that comes as I am broken before God. I trust His timing and His plans for me.

I'll be posting more often (I hope) in Pittsburgh to keep you all informed on my crazy life. Thanks for following my crazy adventure as I follow God! :)

-Coffee Shop Girl

Security

My inspiration for the day. :)


        I saw this quote on Pinterest today and it resounded in me because it directly addresses one of the struggles I have had in the past 6 months. TD Jakes puts it so simply. Knowing when a person's part in your story is over... Knowing can be so difficult. 

        This year has been one of the most wonderful and the most painful years of my life. A lot of the pain has come from people's part in my story ending. Some, all too soon. And some, though it felt all too soon, I now see was God's divine timing. Knowing it was God's timing doesn't make the pain any less real, but it certainly brings peace where before there was fear and anxiety. 

        Letting go has always been such a struggle for me. In nearly every season of my life, in various situations, my mother has said to me, "You must learn to hold on loosely." Not to crush this delicate thing called life/friendship/love/trust. And through the years I like to think I've gotten better at this. When I find myself clenching my fist tightly around the things and people I think I need, I'm reminded that it only brings more pain to me. If those people and things are meant to be in my life, I will not have to hold on so tightly. 

        What a year of learning it has been. I am thankful to God for being so patient with me through this slow learning process. I know that I'm being shaped into the image of His son and these trials are all a part of the transformation.  

Twenty-Thirteen

This year I resolved to write. So I thought I'd write about resolving to write, among other things.

For the most part I have avoided/despised/cringed-at-the-thought of New Years Resolutions. I assume its because for most of my life I've had a *inadequacy complex* (my self-diagnosed term) and the thought of more pressure - or perceived pressure - being put me made me want to have a breakdown. However, seeing as how God has healed, is healing, and will heal that complex, NYRs don't daunt me anymore. There are many other more daunting things to be daunted by, I can't justify being daunted by these. Also, over the past year and a half my goal has been to continually live more intentionally in all areas of my life. I don't want to just happen. I want to be intended. I know God intended my life, surely it's reasonable to expect the same from myself.

So here's a few of maybe a rather long list of resolutions (I like the word Goals better than resolutions, maybe because "resolutions" just feels to resolved? ;) Commitment complex maybe?!) in no particular order, for Twenty-Thirteen:

- Record my 2nd album of original music.
- Expand my writing (Ok... maybe this one is a little vague ;)) Blogging, Songwriting, and potential book material.
- Teach at HCF's Practicum services.
- Invest in my marriage - be a better, more engaged, more encouraging wife than I was in 2012.
- Lead worship OFTEN (again, too vague.) Once a month perhaps.
- Buy/Rent a new house - By September!
- Go on a missions trip - big, small, with or without my church.
- Pray for direction regarding schooling/ministry.

Thats most of it. I left out a few. All of these things are completely doable, though some of them I've been avoiding for years. Praise God, He has finally chipped away enough of me that I have the desire to embrace these goals. Now, more than ever, I feel equipped (emotionally & spiritually, more than anything) to carry out God's intentions for my life. Some of them still feel daunting, but my God is able. I was intended for a purpose from the beginning, and I will be intentional in these things in 2013!