Restarting

Once again, blogging has slipped my mind. Given, my life has been crazy and blogging isn't at the top of my priority list. However, here I am, 2:39am on the morning of December 7th, 2010. Couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd give this a go.

I'm home! I arrived a week ago today and has it been a whirlwind of a first week back! It consisted of late nights, Youth Group, a concert, all night laser tag, shopping, church, and cleaning and reorganizing my room. I haven't had trouble sleeping all week. Maybe I'm up tonight because I didn't do much today, and the incessant activity is what forced my body to sleep earlier this week. Anyways, it's great to be home. Still hard to believe I'm actually here, but I've loved catching up with friends and my family. Life is good.

Something I wasn't anticipating, it's been(and still is) an interesting emotional transition. My first night home I was a bit taken aback and unsettled at being here again. And I've had moments like that all week. Last night I think I had some tiny version of an anxiety attack. Really strange... I wasn't even thinking about being here and my life or anything! All of the sudden I got really restless and anxious, heart started beating fast, and had slight trouble breathing like normal. So I cleaned the kitchen, basically tore my room apart and started cleaning and sorting through everything. Really strange. Today's been good. I got a little melancholy a few hours ago, and that was a bit out of the blue as well. I suppose I'm still in that transition period. I'm really happy to be here though. I really am.

My highlights of my first week back would be all the time I've spent with my Youth Group and being at church again. And seeing family and friends. I guess the whole week has been one big highlight. :) I love what God is up to in this place. And I'm stoked to be right in the middle of it all. There's still people to see, more cleaning/sorting to be done, and holiday festivities to get on with. This is only the beginning! I'm really excited.

I have high expectations for this year, and I know it will be spectacular. God never fails me! Christmas will be wonderful, and all the little benefits of being home have made my life so much easier and full of joy. Who knows what's next, but this season is brilliant already!

Tear Down The Walls

Welcome! Let's begin.

In my last post I mentioned the beginning of something God was starting in me. I said the only thing I knew for sure what that He said, "I'm broadening your vision." That was almost a month ago. A couple weeks ago I spent some time praying, asking God to reveal more or clarify what that meant. I felt like He added to the previous statement and said, "I'm broadening your vision so that you can be free..." I thought, 'Okay. Freedom is good. Still a very broad statement.' So I accepted it and asked the Holy Spirit to continue to bring understanding.

Over the last week, I've really had the youth group on my heart, and a couple kids in particular. And I've had the opportunities to encourage them, build them up and spur them on. I've been so content during the week, and I felt God say that I was content because I was learning to 'get my eyes off myself'. That's a concept and principle that we hear a lot here, and seems easy enough, but I felt like I really understood it this week. It was good to feel like I'm getting it. This whole idea of 'getting my eyes off myself' fit right in with 'broadening my vision' and I immediately understood that God was adding depth to that statement.

Yesterday morning I sat down to do my devotions and God gave me complete closure and clarity. I was journalling about how my heart and mind was focused on youth and ministry over the last week, and I ended up flipping to 2 Corinthians 4. Paul talks about his ministry and the sacrifices he made for the sake of the people he would reach. I really related to his heart for the ministry, and wanted that same passion and commitment that Paul had. At the end of the chapter is one of my favorite sets of verses:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

And again, I felt like 'fixing my eyes on the unseen' was part of broadening my vision.

The more I journaled and listened for more clarity, God finished the statement by releasing me into ministry in the next season of my life. He explained himself through one of my favorite Hillsong songs, "Tear Down The Walls". The song basically summarized every He was saying to me. And I felt like it defined what He had done in me over this year. He gave me this statement that tied my year together. He really gave me closure to this season and I really understand what His goal was for me this year.

"I'm broadening your vision, so that you can be free to tear down the walls."

This made so much sense to me. During the first part of this year, God tore down so many walls inside of me. He went deep and dealt with walls that were put up a long time ago. The last part of this year, He's been preparing and equipping me to return to ministry; to help tear down walls in the people around me.

I, in no way, have things figured out, but I have so much understanding of this year's significance in my life, and so much peace about the next season. Whatever 'tearing down the walls' looks like, I'm ready to embrace what God sends my way. This is only the beginning!

Wings Like Eagles

It just keeps getting better! I am going to do my best to verbalize what I've experienced over this weekend, but I'm certain it will in no way come close to the real thing.

The weekend was Hillsong's youth conference called "Encounter". It's a weekend put together for all three youth ministries in the church: Fuel(jr.high), Wildlife(high school), and Powerhouse(college age). They have if here at the Hills campus in our main auditorium. They completely transform the place to a youth getaway, with everything from food, bumper cars, mechanical bulls, and live music. I'd been hearing about Encounter all month, but the advertisement didn't do a great job of explaining exactly what was going on, so I wasn't planning on going. However, God had other plans, as He often does. Through a series of unpredictable events, conversations, and decisions, I found myself at church at 9:00am for the first of the morning sessions.

We found seats and enjoyed the pre-service entertainment(some comedic improve done by 4 or 5 of the youth leaders.). I sat back and watched as approx. 1000 young people trickled into the auditorium for the first session. About 10 minutes before the service kicked off, the room when pitch black and a dance remix of "Thunderstuck" by ACDC screamed from the sound system. Strobe lights pulsed and illuminated the jumping, moshing, masses of youth that filled the floor. I was delighted and thought to myself, "THIS is how you do a youth conference!" And it was only the beginning...

What happened over the next 3 days was completely surprising, overwhelming, and exhilarating. It's a bit of a blur now, but the things I walked away with are crystal clear.

I've felt a freedom this weekend that I haven't felt since I've been here. I've been freed in different areas, to various degrees throughout this year, but this weekend was a new level of freedom. The combination of the faith and expectancy in that place, God's thick, tangible presence, and my acute awareness of my limited time here, created the perfect storm - in the best way. Even now, just thinking and writing about it, I can't help but be moved by God's blessing in this season of my life.

There's so many little things that God did that I couldn't even begin to outline, but here's a couple big ones that God spoke clearly over the weekend:

1. This season will be a season of New Things.

'This season' meaning my return home, my new beginning, after this year in Australia. I've been praying and preparing my heart and mind to leave this place and return home. But I've known, without a doubt, that I won't be simply returning to my old life, but starting something new, somewhere familiar. God confirmed this at the conference and poured out even more faith and confidence in what He's going to do next. I believe that what we're seeing now in our church, our youth ministry,and our city, is only the beginning of God's plan.

2. He's broadening my vision.

During one of the night sessions, he placed a couple different things on my heart. I found myself heavily burdened and praying about these things with a passion that wasn't there before. As I walked away that night, I felt two things in my spirit: (1) He's broadening my vision, (2) He's increasing my capacity. And I definitely see the areas that he's doing that it, and I'm excited to see that outworked in my life. I felt like I was getting just a glimpse of what He sees and being broken by what breaks His heart. That's exactly what I want!

So those are just a couple things that I have on my heart, and am praying about. I don't know exactly what all of it means or looks like yet, but I believe it's the start of something in me that's new and challenging, in the best way. I love doing life with Christ. How could it get any better than this? I can't imagine what Heaven is going to be like...

"Then the Lord replied: 'Write down the revelation

and make it plain on tablets,

so that whoever reads it may run with it.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.

It speaks of the end and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come and will not delay.' "

-Habakkuk 2

This scripture is one that has inspired me to record the things that God shows or speaks in my life. I realize the context of the Old Testament is where this verse fits, but God has used it in my life, encouraging me to write down what He's doing in me. I love how The Message version puts it:

And then God answered: "Write this.
Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.

It's on its way. It will come right on time.

Waiting is the hardest. But He renews my strength in the waiting! And soaring on wings like eagles sounds pretty good to me. :)

The Changing of Seasons

We are most definitely well into spring here in Australia! It was beautiful and sunny today, but still a bit too warm for my liking. It is exciting, however, to know that we'll be swimming soon!

In other news, school is still splendid and God is still teaching me things that are blowing my mind. I'm convinced that it wouldn't hurt every Christian to do Bible College! There's just so much to learn and so many of us don't know near enough! I'm so glad that I'm here learning everything I can, it's such a privilege.

In regards to college family, things are going okay. Still loving these amazing people. However, there has been a bit of tension in the house this past week. Simple misunderstandings, miscommunications and mistaken motives, nothing too devastating at all. But when a group of people that are so close nit, even the little things cause tension. We did work through our problems, and learned from the experience, and hope handle the next situation more effectively. A good learning experience for all of us. It's good to have people in my life that are committed to relationships and growing together. Conflict is not near as painful when you have people like that.

Today in Chapel I got emotional, realizing that my time here is very limited. I feel like one day I can't wait to get out of here, and the next I'm worried about leaving! It's a good process though. I do have such a peace about the changing of seasons in my life, and this fragile time of transition is quite precious.

I shall update again later. College Break is coming up next week and I'll have 7 whole days to do whatever I please. I'm sure I'll find some space for a blog or two. :) All my love, as always!

His Mercy Is New

These past 5-6 weeks have been so incredible, and spring has officially arrived. Let me tell you a little about it...

School is really great. This semester has been much more enjoyable and I'm closer to my classmates than I was a couple months ago. We had our first performance of the semester, and it went really well! We've also written a song already. Each of us had to co-write a song with a classmate and I got to work with a girl named Mirang Jung from South Korea. It was such a fun experience! That was one of my first big assignments and it's completed and submitted, so I'm pretty happy. Out of all the co-writes, our trainers will pick the top 3 songs and the class will plan a 15 minute worship service using the original songs. I'm really looking forward to that.

My college family is amazing. Our house of girls hangs out with a house of guys, and we all have way too much fun. We get together at our house every Sunday night for Family Night and Chelsea cooks us dinner. Most weeks we're over at the guys' house at least 2 nights of the week. We just can't seem to spend enough time together! We play card games by candlelight and laugh hysterically while trying to solved funny riddles. They're just the best crowd of people.

It's funny how people from all over the world can come together and bond so quickly. It's hard for me to think about doing life without them.

I'm already getting anxious about leaving. Some days seemed to crawl by, but looking back, these months have gone so incredibly fast. I just know that in no time at all I'll be home wondering where the time went. And for that reason, I've taken so many more opportunities these last couple months. I stay up late, and go out with the gang (even when I have assessments due) because I know I won't regret it in a couple months. It's been so fun, and I've got heaps of memories to carry with me for the rest of my life.

I've been sick these last couple of days, and I went to plug my nebulizer in to start treatments...and it blew up. So, now I don't have that, but I'm still believing for divine healing! I haven't had to use any treatments this whole year, and I think God can keep me well for the last 12 weeks! =)

I think I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight. I value sleep quite highly these days, and tomorrow is a full day. All of you back home should be waking up soon, so enjoy another beautiful day that our God has given us. His mercy is new, so let's not live for yesterday.

All My Love,

Bri

What's Happening In My Mind...

It's Saturday night, the 21st of August, and I'm sitting here laughing hysterically! Chelsea, Liz, Stian and I are sitting around the table talking about Jim Carrey movies. Ahh, college life is good.

Tonight I was rostered for Kids Creative (worship for our kids programs) and we had so much fun. Saturday night church is a whole other atmosphere compared to Sunday services. Everything is in The Hub and the setting is always very casual and relaxed. It's very comfortable and feels like home. Anyways, the kids are always great and our Saturday PM team is great... I love those people.

Today was nice, I was able to relax and recharge. We got a new refrigerator and washing machine, thanks to my new housemate, Chelsea. Very excited about that. But this afternoon found me on edge for some reason... I got to Skype briefly with my parents, but the connection was terrible. I ended up extremely irritated after that and it kind of continued through the day. I prayed about it and tried to find an explanation but couldn't. Maybe it was just the series of events in my day, or something else. I'm still soul-searching and trying to figure out why I'm responding to people/events in this way. It's very unlike me... At this point, I'm feeling defensive (and I'm not sure why) and that makes me want to retreat back into myself. Isolation was always the answer for me, BUT I'm learning not to do that. So, because I'm changing the way I do life, my goal is to not completely pull away from everybody! Surely this is just a phase and all will return to normal soon.

Life is so funny. Occasionally, my mood will change like the weather here in Syndey (completely unpredictable), and it surprises me, causes me to step back and question what's happening in my mind, and I usually come out understanding myself a little better. Something God uses to grow me, I suppose. Whatever this is, I'm prepared to be educated on my own motives, beliefs, and thought processes. Good? Definitely. Fun? Not at all.

Well, before I start rambling about internalization and psychology, I'm going to go to bed. These kinds of crazy posts is the usual product of my late night blogging. Everything should be less dramatic after a good night's rest!

Until next time...

"The Lord bless you, and keep you;
The Lord make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;
The Lord lift up His countenance upon you,
And give you peace."

It Is Well With My Soul

So...I completely forgot that I had a blog! I saw a friend’s blog and thought: ‘Oh my goodness!’ :) It’s been over 2 months since I posted anything, and so much happens in 2 months here at HILC. I’m not sure where to start, let’s see...

As of right now, I have less than 16 weeks left here in Australia. Thats right folks, I’m homeward bound! After lots of praying and seeking, I’ve very sure that after my year here, I’m meant to be back in my home church. As excited as I am to be home, each day I’m realizing how much I’m going to miss this place. This has been the most incredible 7 months of my life! It’s been a wonderful season, but seasons must change. Life is so bitter-sweet!

In other news, I’m 3 weeks into the 2nd semester, and it’s a whole new ballgame. It’s a bit more academically and musically demanding, but it’s going to stretch me spiritually, more than anything. And it’s wonderful! The classes have already been outstanding, and I get to write songs for my assessments, how much more wonderful can it get? This semester is already so different than the last. God did so much in me during the first 6 months, and my attitude and outlook are so much better. The peace that I have now is absolutely incredible. God just keeps blowing my mind! Anyways, I’m quite looking forward to what the next 14 weeks (end of the semester) brings. One of my subjects is Personal Evangelism, and that’s where the spiritual stretching comes in. It’s good though, I’m understanding that God likes to keep me uncomfortable... it’s necessary for growth. And growing is what I’m here for!

I wish I could tell you everything that God’s doing in me and around me... it’s truly indescribable. But instead of writing it all down, I have faith that when we meet again, you’ll see the change for yourself! I’m definitely looking forward to the ‘homecoming’ season, but I’m very content to be in this season of training and growth. I’m getting better about living in my ‘now’... it’s definitely the way to live. Actually, there’s nothing quite as satisfying. Here’s a quote that inspired me regarding this thought:

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” ~Mary Jean Iron

Life is good. My life, 10,000 miles away from home, is good. And I can finally say that and believe it without a shadow of a doubt. I can’t wait to see what God does next. This really is the adventure of a lifetime! Thanks for all the prayers and support. You guys are the best.

All My Love,

Bri