Two days, and counting!

Well, it's 11:34 on Thursday, January 14th. And Sunday is approaching quickly.

This week has been crazy! Between family, friends, youth group and packing, it's been pretty full. Things have been going pretty smoothly though. I'm quite pleased!

So, lets back up a little... Last week was rough. I was really anxious, anticipating the stress of my last week at home. Saturday night I really broke down. I was very scared and worried about leaving the incredible people in my life. So I went to sleep. Sunday morning I was incredibly glad to be at church with God's people-that in and of itself always seems to be healing to me. Worship was really powerful, and once again Jesus left me breathless during our team's rendition of "Oh How He Loves Us". Pastor Burt's sermon was all about knowing where Jesus is in our lives. Do we assume that he's just there? Or are we intentionally looking to be where he is? Just what I needed to hear. I love when God does that. At the close of his sermon, Burt asked if there was something holding us back, or keeping us from being where God wanted us. For me, that was fear.

Fear has been something I've struggled with all of my life. Ever since I was little, I was afraid of the dark. Because of this, my mom painted 2 Timothy 1:7 on my wall. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, of love, and of a sound mind." There was no way for her to know how much this scripture would impact the rest of my life. Growing up, I was very shy, very self-conscious, and unsure of who I was. Yet, throughout my darkest times God would keep reminding me of his promise to me: 'I have not given you a spirit of fear...' Over the last 2 years, I've finally learned how to let go of fear, and to truly put my trust in Christ. It was quite the journey, but God is so faithful.

So that brings us back to my story. On Sunday, Burt asked if those people-who were being held back or weighed down-wanted to be free of those things, and if so, then to stand up. I stood. 3 or 4 others stood also. Burt prayed, and I talked to Jesus. I simply said: "I don't want to be afraid anymore." I've said that so many times over the last 18 years, and just like every time before, Jesus took my fear.

This week has been incredible. I still have my moments where I realize the cost of following Christ, but I'm not afraid. I'm not unsure or anxious. I've never been more sure of anything in my life. Australia is where I'm meant to be, for this season of my life. And as long as I'm with the Lover Of My Soul, then I'm exactly where I need to be. So this is my goal, I want to be where Jesus is. Following Him is the adventure of a lifetime!

'I'll say goodbye to my mother, my father. Turn my back on every other lover and press on. Yes, I'll press on.'

*Bri*

Regained Focus

MONDAY, JULY 6, 2009

Well, it's been about 2 months since my last post about 'Other may, you cannot' and I'm still trying to understand and walk in that. And it's still hard. I've, yet again, put myself in another "complicated" situation and am now trying to un-complicate it, hoping to experience as little pain as possible. Unfortunately, pain is inevitable... However, suffering is optional. So, I'm not letting myself suffer, I'm choosing to see the glass as half full.

God's really been speaking to me lately about total surrender and holy rebellion. Two very powerful, difficult things. The youth group went to a Lecrae concert a couple months ago and his CD, titled 'Rebel', has very much inspired me. I've become quite determined to live in rebellion towards our culture...and I've found such joy in doing so! Jesus was a rebel. A "Sactified troublemaker". I love that. That's who I want to be.

Also as of late, because of things going on in my life, I had seemed to have lost some of my drive...my determination. I got distracted and even compromised my own standards. But I learned from it...and I've regained my focus. I've laid my burdens, my issues, my heartache, my flesh, all down at Jesus' feet and I'm running hard. That doesn't make everything easy, but it makes the load lighter. And it doesn't make the pain go away but it makes you stronger. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me."-Phil. 3:12

So, I know I'll be back here soon, laying my next hindrance at His feet, but it's the best place to be, is it not? So I say: Not my will, but yours be done. More of you, less of me.

Sweetly Broken

MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009

OTHERS MAY, YOU CANNOT

If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes

to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.

(Matthew 16:24-25)

If God has called you to be truly like Jesus in all your spirit, He will draw you into a life of crucifixion and humility. He

will put on you such demands of obedience that you will not be allowed to follow other Christians. In many ways, He

seems to let other good people do things which He will not let you do.

Others who seem to be very religious and useful may push themselves, pull wires, and scheme to carry out their

plans, but you cannot. If you attempt it, you will meet with such failure and rebuke from the Lord as to make you

sorely penitent.

Others can brag about themselves, their work, their successes, their writings, but the Holy Spirit will not allow

you to do any such thing. If you begin to do so, He will lead you into some deep mortification that will make you

despise yourself and all your good works.

Others will be allowed to succeed in making great sums of money, or having a legacy left to them, or in having

luxuries, but God may supply you only on a day-to-day basis, because He wants you to have something far better

than gold, a helpless dependence on Him and His unseen treasury.

The Lord may let others be honored and put forward while keeping you hidden in obscurity because He wants to

produce some choice, fragrant fruit for His coming glory, which can only be produced in the shade.

God may let others be great, but keep you small. He will let others do a work for Him and get the credit, but He will

make you work and toil without knowing how much you are doing. Then, to make your work still more precious, He will

let others get the credit for the work which you have done; this to teach you the message of the Cross, humility, and

something of the value of being cloaked with His nature.

The Holy Spirit will put a strict watch on you, and with a jealous love rebuke you for careless words and feelings, or

for wasting your time, which other Christians never seem distressed over.

So make up your mind that God is an infinite Sovereign and has a right to do as He pleases with His own, and that

He may not explain to you a thousand things which may puzzle your reason in His dealings with you.

God will take you at your word. If you absolutely sell yourself to be His slave, He will wrap you up in a jealous

love and let other people say and do many things that you cannot. Settle it forever; you are to deal directly with the

Holy Spirit, He is to have the privilege of tying your tongue or chaining your hand or closing your eyes in ways which

others are not dealt with. However, know this great secret of the Kingdom: When you are so completely possessed

with the Living God that you are, in your secret heart, pleased and delighted over this peculiar, personal, private,

jealous guardianship and management of the Holy Spirit over your life, you will have found the vestibule of heaven,

the high calling of God. --By G.D. Watson

This is so hard. Maybe one of the harder things have had to go through in my life. God's in the process of breaking me and asking me to give up things I don't want to let go of. It's so hard. I'm trying my very best and it truly painful but this is where I'm at in my walk with God. I realize that God's called me to higher standards and larger responsibilities and I'm starting to realize what that means. However, I know that it's already worth it. I've already seen the benefits of my disciplines and I know that this pruning and sifting will produce priceless treasures. It doesn't make it easier, but it does make it worth it. I'm trying not to think on what I'm losing but rather on what I'm gaining. I want that jealous guardianship over my life, I don't want to settle for anything less. And so it begins...

"God, this is so hard. It hurts. It's not fun and I don't like it. But God, you're so worth it. How can I not give myself up when you're everything I've ever wanted and everything I'll ever need? I'm asking you for strength and wisdom for this time. I know you're here with me, so I have nothing to fear. With you, all things are possible. So I'm choosing to die to myself because the life that I have in you is far greater and deeper.

I'm all yours."

Sweetly Broken,

Bri

SUNDAY, MAY 31, 2009

I was just reading Andi's blog (she's so amazing) and I had seen where she had gotten in the habit of blogging five things she's thankful for each day and I thought it would be a good idea for me to do every once in a while. I hope you don't mind Andi, but you've inspired me.

1. Graduation- High School is over! I'm so glad to be finished. I know there's college and much more studying to be done but to know that this piece is completed is a tremendous relief.

2. My Mom- She is incredible. The graduation party she threw for me was ridiculously perfect. I will never be able to thank her enough for everything she's given me, I'm so thankful God gave me such an amazing Mother.

3. Friends- Yes, this is a broad term, but that exactly what I'm thankful for. The people that surround me seem to be the most wonderful people on the planet. Every time I hug someone from youth group, I immediately start tearing up and they wonder what's wrong with me. I'm just overwhelmed at God's love for us and our love for each other, these people have become so much a part of who I am.

4. Sleep- After an extremely long, eventful weekend, I took a much needed nap on this Sunday afternoon. I don't think I've ever loved sleep so much in my life. It's quite wonderful.

5. God's Faithfulness- He continues to prove just how marvelous He really is. This weekend has really made me reflect on the last several years, on where God's brought me from and where He's going to take me next. He is who He always has been and always will be. I'm astounded by Him once again.

It's 1:25 on Monday morning and sleep is beckoning.

'Oh praise the one who paid my debt and raised this life up from the dead.'

Jesus, you're everything I ever wanted. To say I'm overwhelmed by you would be an drastic understatement.

Loving Life and Learning to Adapt

TUESDAY, MAY 19, 2009

It was perfect. The people were perfect. I knew it was exactly where God wanted me. Since my trip to St. Stephen's, Canada last fall, I've been planning to attend the Institute of Contemporary and Emerging Worship Studies at SSU come September. But, as of last week, we were informed that, due to low enrollment, they have cut the ICEWS program. God does have a sense of humor doesn't He? So with that drastic change of plans, I've been doing a lot of praying and asking God where He wants me. I'm not freaking out, it's actually a bit exciting. I love living out of the palm of God's hand, there's nothing quite like it. And actually, there may be a reason I'm supposed to be here in little Cambridge, Ohio...

Within the last 3 1/2 months, our youth group has almost tripled. There's kids that are giving their hearts to Christ for the first time, starting over and renewing their relationship with God and being filled with the Holy Spirit. We've seen God to such a work in our teens, myself included. He is so faithful. Just last year I was talking to a friend about needing more young men in our youth group, now there are twice the number of guys than there are girls. I just love it when God does that. Right now we're working on a Youth Service, where the teens run everything from worship to the sermon, we'll also be doing some drama's and dances. It seems like all I do is church stuff, which is exactly what I love, so I'm thrilled to be so involved! Something else that has just blown me away is how much our youth have embraced and the modeled the love of Christ. I don't know another group of people that are as loving and affectionate as our group. Everyone says I love you when we arrive and when we leave, and no one dares to leave without a hug. It brings me such joy to see these kids who struggle with depression and rejection to feels so loved and also, be so willing to love others. A couple weeks ago while worshipping with my youth group, I had a moment with my creator...and I knew, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that this is exactly where I'm supposed to be for this time. Surely this is evidence that God is up to something... I can't wait to see what He has planned for our youth.

As for me, I recently have finished my debut worship album titled: "I'm Yours". It has 12 of my original songs that my Dad helped me record over the last 6 months. It's taken a good bit of time and just a little work, but it's definitely been worth the effort, I'm so glad to actually have a hard copy of what I've been working on during my senior year in High School. I'm excited to finally be graduating this year, and school has actually gone much faster than I had thought it would. Yes, I get a lot of "I told you so"s from my parents...

I wish I had the words to say how much I've changed and how much I've discovered about who I am, about who Christ is and about life. I'm the happiest I have been...ever. I've learned how precious family is and how valuable friendships are. I've learned to soak up every moment you have, live like tomorrow's not certain, because it's not. I live a day at a time, and find that to live simply is the best way to live. I am so free now, I've learned how to truly trust Christ with my life and by doing so He's allowed me to soar with Him. He's taken me places and showed me things I never thought I would get the chance to encounter. He's my best friend. It still astounds me that I am falling more in love with Him everyday. He's everything I ever wanted.

So, I'm living in today, Tuesday, May 19th. I'll be spending tonight with my beloved youth group, knowing that I'm surrounded with people that I dearly love, delighting in the fact that they also love me, and knowing that I am exactly where my God wants me.

All Of My Love~

Bri

Friday Night Freedom Service-2/27/09

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 28, 2009

So, last night our drama team, Refuse To Lose, was able to minister at Cool Beans with RPM's Friday Night Freedom Service. I had gone to Cool Beans expecting God to move and use us, but last night surpassed all my expectations.

R2L did three different dramas last night, all of which went extremely well, and people really seemed to be touched by them. Afterwards, once Troy and The Team started ministry, some of our kids wanted to go down for prayer. Some other teens had been filled with the Holy Spirit and out kids wanted to know what it was all about; after explaining what it was and everything, some of our kids wanted to experience it. I went down with some of our girls and they started watching what was happening to other people; it scared some of them but they didn't walk away, they were very interested. Anthony spent a lot of time with Dad and Iceman(Bobby) and he ended up giving his life to Christ!

Sequoia, Anthony's sister, was very skeptical at first...She kept asking questions and trying to figure out exactly what was going on, which was good. Troy, Andrea and Mom talked to her for a long time about a lot of different things and she started to come around a little... She ended up letting Troy pray for her and she really had a breakthrough. She really broke and let down her guard; she shared a lot of her past and hurt with me and she spent a lot of time crying and venting. She said it was the first time she's cried in over a year... Mom and I talked to her a lot about God's Love and the healing he can bring her, even through the pain. She really was able to receive the love that God has for her...

So, last night was really eventful in the spiritual world! =D There were several of my other friends who got touched very powerfully too-I'm really excited to see where God is going to do with the youth in this season!

Recklessly Abandoned

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 18, 2009

So, for my first post I thought I expound a little on my blog name: Recklessly Abandoned.

When I was deciding on a blog name, I wanted to choose a name that would reflect not only who I am but also what I strive to be. I love the phrase "Recklessly Abandoned", it captures such a freedom and total surrender surrender that I want to have. I had never really thought about what it meant to be recklessly abandoned to anyone or anything until God turned my world upside down.

In October of 2007, I came to a point in my life where I realized what living for God really meant and the risks that came with it. I chose to completely trust God with my future and that he would be faithful to finish the work that he's started in me. Deciding to blindly follow Christ with no guarantees has been the best decision I've made. I've never been big on taking risks but this last year with Christ has completely changed who I am and I will never be the same. There's nothing more important than being in His will and embracing Him and all He has in store for me. I've grown so much in my spiritual walk and I've discovered how exciting life with Christ is. I've found such a freedom in letting go and giving God the reins.

Another thing that has changed in me, especially in the last year, is my personal relationship with Christ. I've completely fallen in love with him all over again... He's really shown me who he is and that he is everything that I need. He's captured my heart again and helped me see all the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place; he continues to sweep me off my feet every day.

Being Recklessly Abandoned is definitely a challenge, but is exactly what I want to be. I live to be desperately in love and recklessly abandoned to Christ.