It only took me a couple months...

My brilliant plan to write more halted rather abruptly at prompt #2. (See post from the end of March) That's right. I got to #2.

Anyways, I may be slow but I'm persistent. At least I'm persistent in trying to be more persistent.
It's hard.

#3: A book you love.

So many books come to mind. So. Many. But this book came as quite the surprise.

THE NIGHT CIRCUS

I read this book in the winter of 2013-2014. I love an easy read that lets me escape without requiring too much brain power. I'm not a fan of the "smart" books that require me to reread a sentence multiple times to understand it. I had no idea that this silly fiction book loaned to me by my boss would be so marvelous!

The book is downright magical. It's about a circus in London that is only open from sunset to sunrise. The Night Circus. Outrageous, beautiful things happen there. The main plot being two young magicians that are pitted against one another in a rivalry that must end in death for one of them. A mysterious tale of magic, secrets, and unlikely love.

I dove so deep into this story I could barely come back to reality. I loved the strange happenings of this very alive circus and the quirky characters it housed. The main characters are intriguing and I can't help but enjoy a good love story. I'd like to read this one again.

Oops...I Skipped A Day.

Day Two: Something I feel Strongly About.


A couple years back I worked as a clerk at CVS/Pharmacy. It was a relatively boring job ringing people up and stocking shelves but it worked for me at that time in my life. While I was there I did my best to get to know my coworkers, a lot of which were between 40-60 years old. All of them rather hated the place. One day I was talking to one of the ladies about their career at CVS and I asked her if she liked it. She'd been doing it for 30+ years. She said, "It's just a job." So I asked her what she had wanted to be when she grew up or if she could do anything in the world now, what would she do.

She didn't know.

I remember not being able to comprehend her answer. She didn't know what she wanted to do? Not even an inkling of inspiration or a vague memory of a dream? I promised myself that day that I would never let that happen to me. I never want to stop dreaming and stop searching for the adventure. I never want to work a terrible job for 40 years and forget the things I dreamed about.

I know its hard. I know people have to do what they have to do - because of debt, or security, or benefits, or their children. But surely there must be a way to keep dreaming. A way that doesn't require settling for a slow death doing something you despise.

What I do right now is far from my dream job. It's what I have to do for now. But there are so many things I aspire to be and do. And I will do them. This is just a tool in my hand for the moment. My goal is to be debt-free in a year or so, and this job will help me reach that goal. Then...

The sky is the limit.

30 Day Writing Challenge - 5 Ways To Win My Heart

Happy Wednesday! My lovely Aunt Molly, whose hilarious website you should most definitely check out, pinned this 30 Day Challenge on Pinterest. I have been trying to discipline myself a little more in writing. They (whoever they are) say that writers should make time to write even when you are uninspired - good, bad, and ugly. So, as per the list to the right, today is #1: Five Ways To Win Your Heart.

1. Buy me a cup of coffee. No, really. Better yet - take me to a charming coffeehouse, buy me a cup of coffee, and sit and chat with me.

2. Make me laugh. I love to laugh. And most of the time, I desperately need to laugh. So tell me a joke, dance me jig, sing me a song - just don't tickle me. It will not be funny, it will be war.

3. Ask me about my life. I always try to be proactive with the people I meet and am trying to building relationship with - I want to know where they've been, what they've done, what's changed them and hurt them and inspired them. Their stories are interesting! Mine is too.

4. Know and love Doctor Who.

5.  Do things with me. I like to do things not collect things. Lets got to that new coffeehouse, or bowling, or to the movies, or late night swimming, or play a game. I even like to grocery shop. Lets just DO something together! Memories are my favorite.


That's all folks! More of the good, the bad, and the ugly tomorrow.

The Pursuit of Happiness

It's Tuesday morning, March 24th and I'm sitting at my desk drinking my cup of coffee deciding what I think about the snow on the ground outside. The sunshine and hints of spring have ruined me. I think the snow is harshing my mellow. 

My mom sent me this quote this morning:

"It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness." 

I'm unsure of who said this, but whoever they are I think I agree with them. 

I've heard it other ways...Life's about the journey, not the destination...Don't miss the forest for the trees... It's been said again and again because it's true. Truth is funny like that - Enduring. Unchanging. 

I've often been caught up in the chase. Sometimes it seems that happiness is just out of my reach. I'm always right behind it, but I can't quite catch up to it. And you know what? That makes me feel unhappy. Chasing things...people...success...is exhausting. 

I do think happiness is in the journey, and that you can get so fixated on the trees that you forget you are in the forest. I try so desperately to attain happiness that I forget to be happy. And yes, I can just be happy. I get to decide. You get to decide. 

The pursuit is a distraction fueled by discontentment. Follow your dreams, work towards goals, run your race - but choose happiness along the way. 


And yes, I have Kid Cudi stuck in my head. 

Teaching the Restless to Rest

I have categorized myself as restless for a long time. I struggle with discontentment daily, and I'm not proud of that. Recently I have been intentional about leaning in and listening for what God would say in this season of my life. And you know what I'm hearing? REST. Is there anything harder for a restless person to do? 

I once heard Rest described by someone that I can't remember, but the definition they gave has always stuck with me:

-- Rest is not the act of doing nothing or being still - rather it is doing everything you do from a POSITION of rest. Choosing the position of rest in Christ, we can do all the things we must do without fatiguing (mentally/spiritually/emotionally). --

I always thought this was a great definition. Though sometimes I wish rest was an excuse to sit and do nothing! I'm grappling with this thing called rest where I am in my life. I sort of know what rest looks like. I'm not sure I've ever done "rest" well though. At least not that definition of it. In my exploring what rest would look like if I chose it, I'm dwelling on this scripture:



Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

I'm not a bible scholar, and I'm sure so many thoughts can come from this passage, but 

when I read these verses there are a couple things that I feel God is requiring of me if I want His rest:

- I have to come to him.

 “Come to me, all you who weary.." I can't go to other things looking for rest. 

I can't come to my husband looking for spiritual rest. My job does not provide me with His rest. Self-help books and deep breathing exercises will not bring me rest. I must come to Jesus and find rest in Him alone.

- I have to relinquish control. 

"Take my yoke upon you.." There's a submitting that has to happen when I put on his yoke. I no longer choose what I want - I follow his lead and walk with him. 

In my experience, control doesn't bring me rest. It brings me stress and anxiety. Control has to go. I find rest in letting Jesus take the lead.


- I have to be teachable.





"and learn from me..."  I have to stop living according to what I know.

A lot of the time I try to live according to my thoughts, my ideas, and my plans. So far, that has not brought me any rest! I need something better...I need what HE knows. His thoughts, His ways, His plans. God speaks through the prophet Isaiah and says this:

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."

 


Jesus knew how to walk in rest, so I have to come to him, submit to him, and let him teach me about rest. And I know that when I do, He promises me this: 
  
"...you will find rest for your souls."



He says I WILL find rest. So I'm choosing to begin that journey. I'm not sure that I know the first thing about rest, but I know the one who does and I'm learning from Him.


  
 

The Jerk

As Christians, we’re taught to depend on God. That He is sufficient for all our needs. That he is everything we could ever need and want. And all those things are true. But sometimes, they stop being true to us. We stop living the truth that God is “All I Need’.

If you have seen the old Steve Martin movie “The Jerk” you’ll recognize this clip. Lets take a look and see what it is that this character says is all he needs.

http://movieclips.com/vaBbp-the-jerk-movie-thats-all-i-need/

It’s a hilarious clip right? All the random things he picks up and says he needs. In his sadness he’s trying to convince himself that he doesn’t need anything or anybody. So funny… but so true, isn’t it?

It’s easy to say “God is all I need” when we’re on the mountaintop. When joy is abundant and life’s worries seem far away. But when sadness sets in, or anger strikes, or the stock market plummets, or our children go astray… Do we still believe God is all we need? It gets harder to live that truth in those times.

Through our walk with God we forget how much we committed to him at the beginning (or maybe yesterday). How he was our everything. How we were “all-in” and needed nothing else but his spirit and his presence. Our walk gets CLUTTERED. We start making excuses and convincing ourselves that all we need is God...and money, and that’s all. All I need is God, money, and my car, and that’s all. All I need is God, money, my car and that chocolate cake, but that’s all I need. And then we start wondering why we don’t hear God, see God, feel God… How can we when we’ve accumulated all this junk? We’re drowning out what we really need with all the things we don’t really need.

I want to invite you to take the next several minutes and do some self-searching. Is your walk cluttered? What junk have you picked up along the way? What things have you convinced yourself that you need? Have you lost track of God because of these things? He hasn’t lost track of you. Would you like to hear/see/feel Him again? Lets spend this time in worship and prayer. Allow the Holy Spirit to show you what needs to be removed. Let him show you the lies you’ve been telling yourself.

Don’t go another minute living a life that’s cluttered and drowning out God's voice. Lets fix this today.

Transplant

You know how I know when I'm feeling deep, emotional, and sometimes philosophical things?  I blog. Anytime else I forget that I have a blog. ha.

transplant

Verb Move or transfer (something) to another place or situation, typically with some effort or upheaval

Yet again my life is changing drastically... Something I obviously crave, right? Within the next 6 weeks Clark and I will be transplanting our life into big-city, Pittsburgh, PA. It happened a little suddenly...but sometimes what we need most is a "suddenly".

All along we have known we would not stay in New Concord, Ohio forever. Moving was on the horizon but not planned until next fall. But the restless in me just. kept. growing. When you know something deep down in the core of you, you can't shake it or excuse it away. That's where this restlessness sat. It just took one particularly restless, emotional day for me to make the jump in my mind. "Why are we waiting?" I've observed that most of the people around me think that Clark and I do everything too big and too fast; I thought we'd keep the streak going. I started asking questions like, "Why next year?" "What's stopping us until then?" We prayed about it and made a decision within the week. When you know, you know.

So now we are here, weeks away from the transplant and it's been harder than I thought. I've seen unexpected anxiety find it's way to the surface. I thought I liked change? This time there has definitely been some "upheaval" in my soul. But God is faithful, and He is already bringing comfort to the lonely places in me.

This is what I feel is God's word for my next season of life:

"I'm bringing you into a season of brokenness. A season of greater dependency. A season of intimacy with me. I will surround you with people who will sow into you. Let me take you away for a season to know how to be a wife to your husband and to know Me as your bridegroom. I will not leave you as an orphan."

I am familiar with brokenness and part of me cringed when I understood that this was yet another broken season. But most of me became peaceful, knowing the beautiful intimacy that comes as I am broken before God. I trust His timing and His plans for me.

I'll be posting more often (I hope) in Pittsburgh to keep you all informed on my crazy life. Thanks for following my crazy adventure as I follow God! :)

-Coffee Shop Girl

Security

My inspiration for the day. :)


        I saw this quote on Pinterest today and it resounded in me because it directly addresses one of the struggles I have had in the past 6 months. TD Jakes puts it so simply. Knowing when a person's part in your story is over... Knowing can be so difficult. 

        This year has been one of the most wonderful and the most painful years of my life. A lot of the pain has come from people's part in my story ending. Some, all too soon. And some, though it felt all too soon, I now see was God's divine timing. Knowing it was God's timing doesn't make the pain any less real, but it certainly brings peace where before there was fear and anxiety. 

        Letting go has always been such a struggle for me. In nearly every season of my life, in various situations, my mother has said to me, "You must learn to hold on loosely." Not to crush this delicate thing called life/friendship/love/trust. And through the years I like to think I've gotten better at this. When I find myself clenching my fist tightly around the things and people I think I need, I'm reminded that it only brings more pain to me. If those people and things are meant to be in my life, I will not have to hold on so tightly. 

        What a year of learning it has been. I am thankful to God for being so patient with me through this slow learning process. I know that I'm being shaped into the image of His son and these trials are all a part of the transformation.  

Twenty-Thirteen

This year I resolved to write. So I thought I'd write about resolving to write, among other things.

For the most part I have avoided/despised/cringed-at-the-thought of New Years Resolutions. I assume its because for most of my life I've had a *inadequacy complex* (my self-diagnosed term) and the thought of more pressure - or perceived pressure - being put me made me want to have a breakdown. However, seeing as how God has healed, is healing, and will heal that complex, NYRs don't daunt me anymore. There are many other more daunting things to be daunted by, I can't justify being daunted by these. Also, over the past year and a half my goal has been to continually live more intentionally in all areas of my life. I don't want to just happen. I want to be intended. I know God intended my life, surely it's reasonable to expect the same from myself.

So here's a few of maybe a rather long list of resolutions (I like the word Goals better than resolutions, maybe because "resolutions" just feels to resolved? ;) Commitment complex maybe?!) in no particular order, for Twenty-Thirteen:

- Record my 2nd album of original music.
- Expand my writing (Ok... maybe this one is a little vague ;)) Blogging, Songwriting, and potential book material.
- Teach at HCF's Practicum services.
- Invest in my marriage - be a better, more engaged, more encouraging wife than I was in 2012.
- Lead worship OFTEN (again, too vague.) Once a month perhaps.
- Buy/Rent a new house - By September!
- Go on a missions trip - big, small, with or without my church.
- Pray for direction regarding schooling/ministry.

Thats most of it. I left out a few. All of these things are completely doable, though some of them I've been avoiding for years. Praise God, He has finally chipped away enough of me that I have the desire to embrace these goals. Now, more than ever, I feel equipped (emotionally & spiritually, more than anything) to carry out God's intentions for my life. Some of them still feel daunting, but my God is able. I was intended for a purpose from the beginning, and I will be intentional in these things in 2013!

The Writer In Me

"If you find yourself asking yourself, and your friends, "Am I really a writer? Am I really an artist?" Chances are you are. The counterfeit innovator is wildly self-confident. The real one is scared to death." - Steven Pressfield, 'The War Of Art'


      I found inspiration in this quote this morning. It speaks to the writer in me that, apparently, is perfectly normal. I like to write, I want to write...but I don't really like to write and rarely want to. Sometimes I think I want to, but not enough to actually start, much less finish something.

It is scary! I'm not entirely sure why. I think writing is a lot like baring your soul. Which is scary. Writing is also asking someone to approve of your thoughts; your ideas - of you. That's scary. Sometimes I think I'm not changed or affected by what people think... but obviously the writer in me is. The writer in me is learning.

      The truth is, the writer in me is tired. It seems that there is nothing new to write about! But surely there is. Life is ever changing, ever expanding... I have no excuses. I must simply: begin.

Dreaded Revelations

       God's really on a roll this week, speaking to me in the grimiest situations! Last night I spend hours dreading my husband's hair. Yes - my new husband now has dreadlocks. The dreading process is unbelievably long and messy. You tease the hair, then apply wax and twist, twist, twist. Wax gets everywhere. EVERYWHERE. The wax binds the dread to make it stay together.

       It takes so much time to rub that wax way down deep into every dread. As I found out last night, it takes A LOT of wax to tame hair that's teased way beyond frizz. After you've gotten all your dreads twisted and waxed together as they can be, you blow dry them. This is a very important step! The heat melts the wax deep down into the dread and that is what will concrete the dread into place. It's all about the heat.

       This morning during Women's Bible Study I was thinking of how sometimes it's like God just melts over you. He completely surrounds you and soaks every part of you. He covers you up and holds you together like wax does a dread. But that melting, that concreting holding-together process, only happens under heat. When the heat gets turned on in your life, and your scalp is on fire and you don't think you can take it anymore...God melts around you, concreting and securing His faithfulness to you - in you. He holds us together, like wax. And that security in Him becomes more and more real and tangible only after God sees you through times of intense heat. Like I said, this is a VERY important step in the process. Without the times of trial where we allow God to pull us through and mold us and shape us and show us His goodness, we will never truly know what is it to be held together by God.


       He is the only thing that can hold us together - and He does it best when the heat is on.



   

Great Espresso and a Great God

     We've all heard and know that "God works in mysterious ways." That's such a nice way to put it. It's more like "God works in the weirdest, most unconventional, inconvenient, often ridiculous, sometimes irritating, simple, precious, ordinary ways." Well, that's how He works with me anyways. And that's how He spoke to me today.

     On slow days here at The Shop, I try to do something productive. I TRY. Today was lots of cleaning. I decided to tear apart my darling espresso machine and do some deep cleaning. When I took it apart I was appalled by what I found... so gross!! I thought, "Didn't I just clean this thing??" I thought back... Right, I cleaned it before the wedding. THAT WAS MONTHS AGO. *Ugh* Disgusted, I went to work. And it wasn't too far into the nauseating job that the Holy Spirit got chatty. I was reminded of what I've been told and what I have read about my beautiful machine many times before. 

"Your machine will perform as well as you want it to."

Meaning of course, the care of the machine is everything. The amount of work I put into cleaning it, in prepping it, in maintaining its efficiency, is the amount of great espresso I will get out of it. A novel idea right? 

    I know, it's not exactly profound, but it was how the Holy Spirit reminded me of some things today: 

 The amount of time and energy and investment I put into my relationship with God is what I will get out of it. I can be as used by God as I want to be. I can be as filled with the Holy Spirit as I want to be. Is it sometimes dirty and nauseating and inconvenient to maintain the upkeep on the relationship? Yes. Are the results worth it? Always.

     So my machine looks beautiful and brand new, and so does my perspective on my relationship with God. It was in the grime of that machine that God reminded me of my responsibility to Him; to our relationship. I'm not sure what I'd do if He didn't speak in the midst of that kind of stuff... because my life is mostly weird, simple, grimy, and ordinary. Here's to great espresso and a great God.

Satin In A Coffin

"You were laying on the carpet 
like you're satin in a coffin. 
You said, "Do you believe what you're sayin'?" 
Yeah right now, but not that often. 

Are you dead or are you sleepin'? 
Are you dead or are you sleepin'? 
Are you dead or are you sleepin'?"

-- Modest Mouse

These are the lyrics that the boys keep singing around me this evening. And it hit me as a call from God to His Bride. "Do you believe what you're saying?" "Are you dead or are you sleeping?" 

In response to a writing prompt by http://www.subject4change.com/ I wrote that we are on the verge of something new. God still says: 

"See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." - Isaiah 43:19

And I can feel in it my bones! The restless I feel is only the restlessness that gets under my skin when God is calling me to something new. And I feel like He's asking "Are you dead or are you sleeping?" Because I must be one of those things because I'm not awake and alive in Him how I should be!!! I don't want to be dead or asleep! And I've made a decision to wake up and smell the coffee. To get over myself and get on with what He has! 

So Church, Friends, Family, are you dead or are you sleeping?

Humility-Security-Synergy

      For a year now I have been apprenticing under my Senior Pastor, Burt Campbell (check out his blog here: http://pastorburt.lifewithchrist.org/index.html). For the last 2 years I've felt a pull towards pastoral ministry in some aspect and last summer God asked me to take a proactive step towards learning and developing more of the skills that ministry requires. That step looked like the apprenticeship and allowing Burt to be mentor and teacher in my life. We are now drawing that time to a close and looking back over the year, I can't get my head around how much information we've absorbed, how many lessons I've learned - personally and ministerially - and how much growth God's worked in me since last summer. Having said that, I've much more growing to embrace!

      The bulk of my time with Pastor Burt has been spent studying and discussing the book The Seven Habits Of Highly Effective People, which has so challenged my world. Author, Steven Covey, lays out 7 habits/principles that, if embraced and implemented, empower us to become effective in every aspect of our lives. The 6th Habit is Synergy. This Habit is my favorite so far. Very challenging but so exciting! I've come to realize that I've got some work to do in order to say I'm good at Synergizing with with the people around me. Here's a couple of the things I need to have to make this work:

1. Humility. Lets face it, we all love to be right. We love to have the answer; the solution to the problem no one else can figure out. It's empowering and energizing! However, when we become so convinced that we can see every possible option and solution, and no one else has a valid idea, we kill the potential for Synergy and thus, brilliant, new capabilities. This is something I'm working on. I know I don't have all the answers, and there are minds that are so different and more creative than mine... I want their input. 

2. Security. Synergy requires a level of vulnerability; space for someone else to disagree with your idea, or even to say your point of view is wrong. If we can learn to operate on a level of security that is not threatened by other people's opinions, we would be surprised at the doors that would swing open! 

It also takes security on the part of the person challenging an idea or thought. Security looks like courage to express one's own thoughts or feelings, without having to ask for validity. We each have a say and different is ok. 

      So Synergy is one of my many goals. It's what I've been mulling over as of recent. The reason in writing about it came mostly from some confirmation by Subject-4-Change in the post: Where Do Ideas Come From? The Author writes, 

      "But is competition truly helpful in building community over the long haul? And if the goal of art (religion, education, science and even political diplomacy) is to benefit mankind and bring people together, what would happen if competition, attribution, and ownership were taken out of the process?"

A grand thought indeed. What would our world look like if we learned to Synergize? What could your life look like if you allowed Synergy some room to work? I like to think that unimaginable things would be accomplished. 

Dreams Really Do Come True.

It's been ages since I've blogged! (That's how I start off every post, right?)

My life has EXPLODED.

Lets see. In the last 5 months, here's what's changed:

1. I own a coffeehouse in New Concord.

2. I moved into a gorgeous house in New Concord.

3. My Best Friend lives with me.

4. I found out I have a nodule on my vocal chord and have been put on vocal rest for a month.

There's more, but those are some big ones.

The coffeehouse is fabulous. A dream come true. And I can say the same about the house I'm renting. God has been too good! Business is going great, and I love what God is teaching me through it. He's also established relationships that are blowing my mind! Every time I turn around I realize that the coffeehouse wasn't only my dream come true, but another part of His plan. He astounds me.

Though the last couple months have brought on a good bit of stress, I'm taking it day by day and learning to manage my life. My craziness doesn't change God's goodness. It's a time of tremendous growing. Spiritually, emotionally, mentally...A season to remember, for sure. The best season yet, actually. (:

The fact that I can't sing how I'd like to is driving me crazy! I go back to my specialist in 3 weeks to check in and see what the next step is. Praying for God's will to be done. I miss doing what I love, but God is faithful still!

Anyways, there's a very brief update for you. Or maybe more for me.

Still loving God and everything He's doing. After everything He's given me, after all the dreams He's brought to life, He's still surprising me at every turn. Our God is truly brilliant!

Restarting

Once again, blogging has slipped my mind. Given, my life has been crazy and blogging isn't at the top of my priority list. However, here I am, 2:39am on the morning of December 7th, 2010. Couldn't sleep, so I thought I'd give this a go.

I'm home! I arrived a week ago today and has it been a whirlwind of a first week back! It consisted of late nights, Youth Group, a concert, all night laser tag, shopping, church, and cleaning and reorganizing my room. I haven't had trouble sleeping all week. Maybe I'm up tonight because I didn't do much today, and the incessant activity is what forced my body to sleep earlier this week. Anyways, it's great to be home. Still hard to believe I'm actually here, but I've loved catching up with friends and my family. Life is good.

Something I wasn't anticipating, it's been(and still is) an interesting emotional transition. My first night home I was a bit taken aback and unsettled at being here again. And I've had moments like that all week. Last night I think I had some tiny version of an anxiety attack. Really strange... I wasn't even thinking about being here and my life or anything! All of the sudden I got really restless and anxious, heart started beating fast, and had slight trouble breathing like normal. So I cleaned the kitchen, basically tore my room apart and started cleaning and sorting through everything. Really strange. Today's been good. I got a little melancholy a few hours ago, and that was a bit out of the blue as well. I suppose I'm still in that transition period. I'm really happy to be here though. I really am.

My highlights of my first week back would be all the time I've spent with my Youth Group and being at church again. And seeing family and friends. I guess the whole week has been one big highlight. :) I love what God is up to in this place. And I'm stoked to be right in the middle of it all. There's still people to see, more cleaning/sorting to be done, and holiday festivities to get on with. This is only the beginning! I'm really excited.

I have high expectations for this year, and I know it will be spectacular. God never fails me! Christmas will be wonderful, and all the little benefits of being home have made my life so much easier and full of joy. Who knows what's next, but this season is brilliant already!

Tear Down The Walls

Welcome! Let's begin.

In my last post I mentioned the beginning of something God was starting in me. I said the only thing I knew for sure what that He said, "I'm broadening your vision." That was almost a month ago. A couple weeks ago I spent some time praying, asking God to reveal more or clarify what that meant. I felt like He added to the previous statement and said, "I'm broadening your vision so that you can be free..." I thought, 'Okay. Freedom is good. Still a very broad statement.' So I accepted it and asked the Holy Spirit to continue to bring understanding.

Over the last week, I've really had the youth group on my heart, and a couple kids in particular. And I've had the opportunities to encourage them, build them up and spur them on. I've been so content during the week, and I felt God say that I was content because I was learning to 'get my eyes off myself'. That's a concept and principle that we hear a lot here, and seems easy enough, but I felt like I really understood it this week. It was good to feel like I'm getting it. This whole idea of 'getting my eyes off myself' fit right in with 'broadening my vision' and I immediately understood that God was adding depth to that statement.

Yesterday morning I sat down to do my devotions and God gave me complete closure and clarity. I was journalling about how my heart and mind was focused on youth and ministry over the last week, and I ended up flipping to 2 Corinthians 4. Paul talks about his ministry and the sacrifices he made for the sake of the people he would reach. I really related to his heart for the ministry, and wanted that same passion and commitment that Paul had. At the end of the chapter is one of my favorite sets of verses:

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal."

And again, I felt like 'fixing my eyes on the unseen' was part of broadening my vision.

The more I journaled and listened for more clarity, God finished the statement by releasing me into ministry in the next season of my life. He explained himself through one of my favorite Hillsong songs, "Tear Down The Walls". The song basically summarized every He was saying to me. And I felt like it defined what He had done in me over this year. He gave me this statement that tied my year together. He really gave me closure to this season and I really understand what His goal was for me this year.

"I'm broadening your vision, so that you can be free to tear down the walls."

This made so much sense to me. During the first part of this year, God tore down so many walls inside of me. He went deep and dealt with walls that were put up a long time ago. The last part of this year, He's been preparing and equipping me to return to ministry; to help tear down walls in the people around me.

I, in no way, have things figured out, but I have so much understanding of this year's significance in my life, and so much peace about the next season. Whatever 'tearing down the walls' looks like, I'm ready to embrace what God sends my way. This is only the beginning!

Wings Like Eagles

It just keeps getting better! I am going to do my best to verbalize what I've experienced over this weekend, but I'm certain it will in no way come close to the real thing.

The weekend was Hillsong's youth conference called "Encounter". It's a weekend put together for all three youth ministries in the church: Fuel(jr.high), Wildlife(high school), and Powerhouse(college age). They have if here at the Hills campus in our main auditorium. They completely transform the place to a youth getaway, with everything from food, bumper cars, mechanical bulls, and live music. I'd been hearing about Encounter all month, but the advertisement didn't do a great job of explaining exactly what was going on, so I wasn't planning on going. However, God had other plans, as He often does. Through a series of unpredictable events, conversations, and decisions, I found myself at church at 9:00am for the first of the morning sessions.

We found seats and enjoyed the pre-service entertainment(some comedic improve done by 4 or 5 of the youth leaders.). I sat back and watched as approx. 1000 young people trickled into the auditorium for the first session. About 10 minutes before the service kicked off, the room when pitch black and a dance remix of "Thunderstuck" by ACDC screamed from the sound system. Strobe lights pulsed and illuminated the jumping, moshing, masses of youth that filled the floor. I was delighted and thought to myself, "THIS is how you do a youth conference!" And it was only the beginning...

What happened over the next 3 days was completely surprising, overwhelming, and exhilarating. It's a bit of a blur now, but the things I walked away with are crystal clear.

I've felt a freedom this weekend that I haven't felt since I've been here. I've been freed in different areas, to various degrees throughout this year, but this weekend was a new level of freedom. The combination of the faith and expectancy in that place, God's thick, tangible presence, and my acute awareness of my limited time here, created the perfect storm - in the best way. Even now, just thinking and writing about it, I can't help but be moved by God's blessing in this season of my life.

There's so many little things that God did that I couldn't even begin to outline, but here's a couple big ones that God spoke clearly over the weekend:

1. This season will be a season of New Things.

'This season' meaning my return home, my new beginning, after this year in Australia. I've been praying and preparing my heart and mind to leave this place and return home. But I've known, without a doubt, that I won't be simply returning to my old life, but starting something new, somewhere familiar. God confirmed this at the conference and poured out even more faith and confidence in what He's going to do next. I believe that what we're seeing now in our church, our youth ministry,and our city, is only the beginning of God's plan.

2. He's broadening my vision.

During one of the night sessions, he placed a couple different things on my heart. I found myself heavily burdened and praying about these things with a passion that wasn't there before. As I walked away that night, I felt two things in my spirit: (1) He's broadening my vision, (2) He's increasing my capacity. And I definitely see the areas that he's doing that it, and I'm excited to see that outworked in my life. I felt like I was getting just a glimpse of what He sees and being broken by what breaks His heart. That's exactly what I want!

So those are just a couple things that I have on my heart, and am praying about. I don't know exactly what all of it means or looks like yet, but I believe it's the start of something in me that's new and challenging, in the best way. I love doing life with Christ. How could it get any better than this? I can't imagine what Heaven is going to be like...

"Then the Lord replied: 'Write down the revelation

and make it plain on tablets,

so that whoever reads it may run with it.

For the revelation awaits an appointed time.

It speaks of the end and will not prove false.

Though it linger, wait for it;

it will certainly come and will not delay.' "

-Habakkuk 2

This scripture is one that has inspired me to record the things that God shows or speaks in my life. I realize the context of the Old Testament is where this verse fits, but God has used it in my life, encouraging me to write down what He's doing in me. I love how The Message version puts it:

And then God answered: "Write this.
Write what you see.
Write it out in big block letters
so that it can be read on the run.
This vision-message is a witness
pointing to what's coming.
It aches for the coming—it can hardly wait!
And it doesn't lie.
If it seems slow in coming, wait.

It's on its way. It will come right on time.

Waiting is the hardest. But He renews my strength in the waiting! And soaring on wings like eagles sounds pretty good to me. :)

The Changing of Seasons

We are most definitely well into spring here in Australia! It was beautiful and sunny today, but still a bit too warm for my liking. It is exciting, however, to know that we'll be swimming soon!

In other news, school is still splendid and God is still teaching me things that are blowing my mind. I'm convinced that it wouldn't hurt every Christian to do Bible College! There's just so much to learn and so many of us don't know near enough! I'm so glad that I'm here learning everything I can, it's such a privilege.

In regards to college family, things are going okay. Still loving these amazing people. However, there has been a bit of tension in the house this past week. Simple misunderstandings, miscommunications and mistaken motives, nothing too devastating at all. But when a group of people that are so close nit, even the little things cause tension. We did work through our problems, and learned from the experience, and hope handle the next situation more effectively. A good learning experience for all of us. It's good to have people in my life that are committed to relationships and growing together. Conflict is not near as painful when you have people like that.

Today in Chapel I got emotional, realizing that my time here is very limited. I feel like one day I can't wait to get out of here, and the next I'm worried about leaving! It's a good process though. I do have such a peace about the changing of seasons in my life, and this fragile time of transition is quite precious.

I shall update again later. College Break is coming up next week and I'll have 7 whole days to do whatever I please. I'm sure I'll find some space for a blog or two. :) All my love, as always!

His Mercy Is New

These past 5-6 weeks have been so incredible, and spring has officially arrived. Let me tell you a little about it...

School is really great. This semester has been much more enjoyable and I'm closer to my classmates than I was a couple months ago. We had our first performance of the semester, and it went really well! We've also written a song already. Each of us had to co-write a song with a classmate and I got to work with a girl named Mirang Jung from South Korea. It was such a fun experience! That was one of my first big assignments and it's completed and submitted, so I'm pretty happy. Out of all the co-writes, our trainers will pick the top 3 songs and the class will plan a 15 minute worship service using the original songs. I'm really looking forward to that.

My college family is amazing. Our house of girls hangs out with a house of guys, and we all have way too much fun. We get together at our house every Sunday night for Family Night and Chelsea cooks us dinner. Most weeks we're over at the guys' house at least 2 nights of the week. We just can't seem to spend enough time together! We play card games by candlelight and laugh hysterically while trying to solved funny riddles. They're just the best crowd of people.

It's funny how people from all over the world can come together and bond so quickly. It's hard for me to think about doing life without them.

I'm already getting anxious about leaving. Some days seemed to crawl by, but looking back, these months have gone so incredibly fast. I just know that in no time at all I'll be home wondering where the time went. And for that reason, I've taken so many more opportunities these last couple months. I stay up late, and go out with the gang (even when I have assessments due) because I know I won't regret it in a couple months. It's been so fun, and I've got heaps of memories to carry with me for the rest of my life.

I've been sick these last couple of days, and I went to plug my nebulizer in to start treatments...and it blew up. So, now I don't have that, but I'm still believing for divine healing! I haven't had to use any treatments this whole year, and I think God can keep me well for the last 12 weeks! =)

I think I'm going to try to get to bed early tonight. I value sleep quite highly these days, and tomorrow is a full day. All of you back home should be waking up soon, so enjoy another beautiful day that our God has given us. His mercy is new, so let's not live for yesterday.

All My Love,

Bri